| hurt |
[06 Aug 2008|04:15pm] |
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mood |
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im really hurt
im not sad at the fact that you decided to break up with me i knew that was coming but i feel like i have lost my best, my other best friend , and my mom and that sucks and i feel so alone
i wish it could all go back to how it was before this all started... but it never will and for that i regret that thats the only thing...
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[14 Apr 2008|12:11am] |
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just like that it's over
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| to you |
[12 Dec 2007|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying
And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying
What do I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me?
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay
You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share
Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay
I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine
Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah
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[28 Nov 2007|11:38am] |
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I just want to feel loved
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| comatose |
[25 Nov 2007|06:53pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to You
Tell me that You will listen
You're touch is what i'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I hate living without You
Dead wrong to ever doubt You
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore You
Oh how I thirst for You
Oh how I need You
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You
I don't wanna live, I dont wanna breathe
'Les I feel You next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for You
Waking up to You never felt so real
Oh how I adore You
The way You make me feel
Waking up to You never felt so real
everything has changed... and im not sure how i feel about it all :(
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| aww thank you for ripping my heart out for the LAST TIME |
[20 Oct 2007|06:35pm] |
Falling, falling harder
You're falling apart
Happy sweetest day.......
I knew there had to be a reason and MY best friend told me the reason, last time i ever trust you again......
STUPID STUPID STUPID im stupid :)
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[17 Oct 2007|06:05pm] |
A never ending battle....
One I think I have lost :(
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[14 Oct 2007|06:20pm] |
I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than youd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
Theres a light that just wont let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up
slippin' away... ever so slowly...not sure anymore
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[07 Oct 2007|12:48am] |
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I dont even know what to say or think.....
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| love you |
[02 Oct 2007|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You
I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You
You are a voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And till I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you
You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
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[19 Sep 2007|09:32pm] |
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mood |
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 hurt |
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I hate being sick... i once again am sick I'm getting sick of being sick. I wish I had someone to make me chicken noodle soup :) that'd be sweet. Work makes me depressed, just walking in the doors there makes me want to go in the back room sit down and cry. I am getting screwed over yet again and it sucks and hurts, they took away all my hours for the next 2 weeks and just said ah we don't need you.. awesome... and on another note i dont understand how someone who "loves" you can tell you, you are fat like i am so hurt, i have just gotten to the point where i am comfortable with who i am and boom " katie you are fat im worried about you and i want you start weight watchers..." EXCUSE ME!!??!?! and then my mom agrees that hurts now that self confidence, the little bit i had is gone and i am hurt destroyed by that remark. And one last thing how can people who love you be SOOOOOOO against me and church and going to church i am happy for once for one time in my life i am happy and they have to ruin it by saying you don't what you are getting yourself into or some stupid comment like " oh well im not gonna say anything bad about your church because i know you well get mad at me" FOR ONCE WHY CANT PEOPLE ALLOW ME TO BE HAPPY my birthday is in 5 days and i dont even care i am not happy now beacause these main 3 things im depressed but oh well right ill get over it... thanks guys for hurting me awesome work i hope your happy... happy birthday
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[12 Sep 2007|12:53pm] |
I don't know i could crash and burn but maybe at the end of this road i might catch a glimpse of me....
Three months and I'm still sober......
enough said
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| And I could Not Ask For More.... |
[05 Sep 2007|12:02pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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My wish- Rascal flats |
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I did it i finally think i found my place.... at this time in my life i can honestly say for once i am honestly happy... i am starting to love me for me and that's the most amazing feeling in the world to love yourself. I am forgiving myself for things i have done in the past which i regretted, and i am learning to trust people and open up to people. It's amazing me and Sherry were having this convo the other day about how i trust some people now and before i didnt say anything to anyone. Its mostly in thanks to my awesome amazing church. For the most part at least from what i have seen everyone is so open and nice to everyone, and it isn't "clicky" as some churches are. When i started coming to this church again everyone was opened arm to me and it was amazing!!! Like the other day i went to the whites and told beth how i was feeling and what was wrong and we had a talk about my aunt and how yeah it sucks but she will be with god in eternity and beth actually listened and its amazing, i mean yeah it sucks it took this long to open up to her and now shes gone :( but we can always visit:) And i am more open with Sherry like last meeting i told her everything i have held inside and some of it i have never told anyone and it felt good after i told her it all... and Robyn i love robyn she is an amazing person and i am so happy we are starting to get how things used to be... :)
Im just happy right now and i know that there are down falls and hard times in my life but for the most part i am happy with life and with myself which a year ago would have never even been possible... so thank you to my amazing friends Jenelle, Lindsay, Alex, Andrea, all of you....if i forgot anyone im sorry lol i love you too.. and sherry thank you for opening me up you helped me annd Robyn yesterday was not my birthday but thanks for the birthday wish anyways!!! and beth thank you for being you thank you for listening to me really listening oh and well of course thanks for having your amazing kids!!!! i love them too ha
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| .....Pray...... |
[29 Aug 2007|01:02pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Because of you |
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I think that is truly amazing that when you are in a horrible situation and you need prayers everyone and anyone is willing to pray with you. Everyone i have talked to has prayed for my aunt or with me for my aunt and i think that, that in it's self is truly amazing and i am thankful for everyone who has prayed. I am at a low point and if it was the old me i would turn from god and go to my old ways but this time i don't want to i want to run to god and cry out to him not to a bottle of vodka. My aunt is dying they gave her a max of a year. She was having horrible headaches and had to leave work Friday. Along with her headaches she was throwing up and not eating so my uncle mark couldn't take it anymore and it took her to her family doctor where he rushed her to the hospital... the worst possible outcome came to this situation.... Brain tumor size of a hard ball we all still had hopes that she'd be fine... they went in for emergency surgery yesterday... it was the worse kind.. i guess they call it spider tumor where it spread throughout all her brain and they can't even get to some of the parts... then the doctor told us it's terminal, there is no point in doing any treatment you have a max of a year to live... devastating completely devastating.. she has a baby girl maddy who is only a year old... i know how hard it is to live without a parent but wow from that young of an age i feel soooooo horrible for my cousin maddy:(
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[17 Aug 2007|12:55am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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My fan |
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just when i thought everything was going perfect... once again BOOM i lost it all :( it sucks and hurts a lot...
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[05 Aug 2007|12:33am] |
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i messed up im embarrassed you have every right to turn against me
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[26 Jul 2007|11:21am] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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:( my cousin is my closest family member to me only a shy 2 weeks older then me.... he almost died 2 nights ago once again my life wouldve have been ruined....yesterday the results came back for his head scans...not looking good at all he has some type of problem they couldn't figure out what it was on his right side of his brain they had to run more tests to figure out what the problem is today...they are thinking he might have brain damage so please even if you don't beleive in prayers say a little pray for my cousin he is an amazing guy
I LOVE YOU PAUL WASHBURN HANG ON BUDDY IT WILL ALL BE OKAY I PROMISE
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[22 Jul 2007|07:53pm] |
lord help me... please i need you more then ever now.. i am lost and don't know what to do or who to turn too... i know you know what is wrong with me and what i am struggling with and everyone tells me god has something planned for me, but now im wondering what that is, all i have had has been struggles not fun ones either and i am so weak i just want to give up....if this is a test of my faith you are succeeding on that test.... i will never turn against you but life is so hard right now so hard and you know i am not open to people you know i have trust issues you know i have issues in general... so this is a cry for help
katie
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[26 Jun 2007|12:01am] |
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music |
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Kelly clarkson -sober |
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im not aloud to talk to you anymore :( it hurts alot and you don't even care.... that kills me i considered you my best friend for almost 5 years and now what.... you picked a boy over me... and hurt me and now my mom is not allowing me to talk to you anymore... and its simple you don;t care in the least bit now im wondering if you ever cared...
Three months and im still sober
Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
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| Fathers day |
[17 Jun 2007|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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June 17th 2007,
Father's Day
Sherry told me when ever or where i want to to write letters to made dad to help deal with it... so this is my letter to him....
Dad,
I wish you were around to see how happy i am lately.. i have changed a lot and for the better i have made a new "family" and i love it...I have grown closer to this amazing guy who i know will never hurt me more than i can handle...God, i know you were never really religious but you always were behind me 100% i just wish you were around to see me now i know you are watching from heaven...And i have to tay I know i miss you a lot all the time and there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about you or miss you but these past few weeks i have come to terms with the fact that god has bigger and better plans with you and he took you away for a reason. You aren't in pain anymore and im happy for that for you... and i may not see you for awhile but i will end up in eternity with you and who could ask for anything more.
Love always,
Katie
So father's day service today... choir was fun as always couldn't stop laughing because of Theresa and I couldn't keep beat bc we kept watching the kids up on the balcony who obviously have no idea what a beat even is lol Ken explained to us what a girl with fake boobs is called "inflat-a-lady" pretty funny... and i sat through first service not with the urge to cry but with the urge to smile because my father got to grace me with his presence and teach as much as he could in his short time with me... he was amazing and i can't think of any other way to explain it...they had this cute video at the end of service and it made me think how lucky i was to have a dad even if it was for a short time..sure it's hard not having him around but i have to look at the big picture we WILL be together again some day...forever.. and i honestly couldn't ask for more...So happy father's day to everyones dad... love them be with them before you lose that chance...
SOOOO the next 2 and half days i have work.... then weds. i have a half of day of work then church picnic hopefully and SMOKERISEEEEE till Friday night with everyone!! I am so excited and can't wait to get away...
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